When Trying to Return Home by Jennifer Maritza McCauley

Author:Jennifer Maritza McCauley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Catapult
Published: 2022-11-25T00:00:00+00:00

Mavis and Estelle took a left on Fourth Avenue North, got off Printer’s. They pushed past wasted folks and weekend strollers till the mouth of the street opened up to Broadway: electric and country, old and city-like. Broadway, with its lit-up boots, classic record shops, and neon guitar cutouts. With its trinket-full gift shops, faux saloons, and live karaoke bars featuring singers ready for radio. There it was: fat with screeching folks who smacked BBQ-wet lips and wondered, endlessly, where to get hammered. Mavis couldn’t stand pageantry, and this place felt like a pageant. Or it felt like nowhere. Just another city to burn through.

Estelle zigzagged through people-full traffic. Mavis grabbed her wrist, got her to walk in a straight line.

“May. It’s okay,” Estelle said over a cover of some Dierks Bentley cut blasting from The Stage.

“Your navigational abilities? Not okay. Pretend you’re on a tightrope, if that’s easier.”

“I’m saying . . .”

“I’m good,” Mavis said, focusing on the road ahead of her. “You’re a bumperkart, chica.” Mavis gently guided Estelle by the shoulders away from a bouncer checking IDs.

“Whatever is surrounding you. The energy,” Estelle said, breaking away from her. “It’s muddy.”

“Really?” Mavis turned around. “‘Muddy’? Did the fucking Hierophant tell you that? Which God are you praying to now? All of ’em?” She dropped Estelle’s wrist, and Estelle pulled roughly away. Mavis sighed a sorry. Her sister didn’t deserve her shitty mood. They both went silent.

Tourists banged into the sisters, and Mavis shoved them away. Some bro slurred at Mavis, and she wanted to show him her fists but decided against it. She caught up with Estelle but didn’t have much to say.

“Why aren’t I like you?” Estelle said, finally.

Mavis furrowed her brow. “Man . . .”

“We had the same life. We’re roamers. I can’t have relationships either. Couldn’t even keep a relationship with God. I dream of saying ‘Fuck the world!’ like you, but I can’t. I feel so much, I can’t feel anything. Too connected. To you, deeply, obviously. To everyone. Even Beefie. Even Skitt, who I just met. I feel like I’m drowning in emotions. Like now: I can feel how much you’re hurting over Beefie. But you’re so good at compartmentalizing. The love of your life has gone missing and you’re like, ‘Whatevs! Where’s my fucking drink?’ I wish I could do that. My brain’s always trying to kill me.” She shut her eyes tight, opened them.

Mavis stopped.

“First off,” she said. “Nobody is the love of my life. Who knows how long your life will be, but nobody gets to claim the whole thing.” They were walking side by side through the crowd again. “Second off, the love of your life is your fucking self, because she ain’t going to leave you. You’re stuck with her. Trust me, you don’t want to be like me. Because the love of my life is a total bitch. And I love her. Punto y ya.”

Mavis stuffed her hands in her pockets. She wasn’t all that tough, and Estelle knew it, and she knew that Estelle knew it.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.